Meeting with a true guru- Experience narrated by Sheila, Oman

When I went to see Pradeepji yesterday I tried as much as possible to keep an open mind. I will admit now that at some level I thought instead of him making me realise things, I would make him realise how special my Guru is! Yes, there was a certain amount of defiance – WHO can say anything about my Satguru.

We started to talk – I was resilient to his penetrating gaze, but beneath the resilience was a search. A search for some answers, for some way to break the barriers that trapped me while I held steadfastly to my Maharaji.

Pradeepji explained in considerable detail and with great patience, the Guru concept, the mantra with many examples and anecdotes. They all made sense. But the vision of my Maharaji stayed in my third eye and I told Him I will not leave Him, I cannot leave Him – it would amount to nothing less than betrayal.

Pradeepji then asked me point blank if I wanted help. I knew I wanted help desperately. I thought how can I come in this human form in darkness and leave it in darkenss? How could this lifetime just be wasted? At the same time, I felt that asking for help would mean betrayal of my Maharaji and lack of faith and trust in Him.

I mumbled an explanation. I think Pradeeji read my mind – I really dont’ know. But then he asked me to look at a poster of Shiva on one of the walls. He asked me first to look at the face of the snake coiled around Shivji’s neck. And that’s when things started to go beserk! The face changed to Guru Nanak and then to Maharaji and back to Guru Nanak. Finally, I got to have darshan of my Guru – I had not seen him in sooooo long. Finally, I had darshan. Somewhere a voice said – this is the head of a snake! But the thought vanished as soon as it appeared and I gazed at my Maharaji – beautiful, glorious, just as I rememberd Him to be. I heard Pradeepji’s voice ask me to shift my gaze to Shivji”s third eye. I didn’t want to and I told him so. I just wanted to keep staring at my Satguru. Then it was as though my Satguru was telling me to do the same thing. I did, but reluctantly.

I gazed at the third eye – and thought I would rather be looking at Maharaji. But there was something compelling about that spot and I started to see beams of light emanating from it. I wanted to transport those beams into my third eye and closed my eyes.

A tsunami started to errupt within me. I had experienced something similar before and like before, I was terrified. I groped in the darkness and felt Pradeepji’s comforting and reassuring hand on my arm, the other on my third eye. The fear was still there but I felt it was now or never. At that point I knew without any doubt, that even if I was to die – I wanted to surrender. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for so long. I did not do simran, I chanted no mantra, I just plunged into the darkness while currents began to rise inside. Imagine putting water down a pipe blocked with stones. The water would not flow through easily it would have to meander its way through jostling the stones as it did. Only in this case it was not up to down, it was from down to up.

My body started to shake – rattle – something like that. I felt myself lying down and then from the darkness came this peach coloured, opaque, soft light. It came, and came and just came. It turned yellow and began to mingle with purple. At times a few bits of black would appear, but the light shone through and became lighter. And then it became like a fawcet and showered me with it. More and more, I was bathed in the light, washed in it. It was not shocking or blinding – it was the most natural thing. And then to my great despair and pain, it began to fade and there was darkness. NO, no, no … come back!

I felt somebody’s hand on my crown chakra and wonder of wonders – the light came back and this time it was not a fawcet above me, it was at my level and it began to seep up my arms and legs, run through my viens. Instead of blood, light was running through my viens. I seeped it in thirstily like parched, cracked, dry mud would receive water after an excrutiatingly long dry spell. And all this against the sound of bells like a wind chime. Tinkling bells.

I dont know how long this took and this time I did not feel the light going away, because it was in me. How could it go? I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling – I didn’t want to. I just wanted to go back.

I opened my eyes again and looked at Pradeepji. I knew there were no words in creation that could express my gratitude. I looked at him in silence. His silence gaze affirmed to me that he understood. There was no need for words.

Caught between smiles and tears, Pradeepji helped me to realease all the pent up pain of separation, the struggle, the fears. I sobbed loudly from the pits of my belly.

And the BEST PART OF ALL WAS THAT THERE WAS NO QUESTION OF BETRAYAL. AS PRADDEP JI SAID – THE TRUE GURU IS WITHIHN. IT IS THE SAME THING MAHARAJI USED TO SAY.

Maharaji always said – search for the radiant form of the master. But alas, I was that fool who seeked enlightenment by gazing at His beautiful countenance, His Majestic demeanour, His gentle smile, the wave of His hand, the way He removed His watch before satsang and the way He wore it afterwards. I loved His physical form so much that I was blind to what He wanted me to see, deaf to what he wanted me to Hear, totally oblivious to what He wanted me to know.

I am so, so grateful. Grateful to Maharaji for making me feel attached to Him to the point of frustration. Grateful to my daughter from whom I have learnt so much and who took me to see Pradeepji. Grateful to Pradeepji who helped me to abandon my fears, to experience what I have been yearning for, to open my heart to all of creation, and showed me that we can learn from all we meet. And most of all, grateful for the Grace. For it is the Grace of the Divine that is the begining, the middle and the end.

As Pradeepji said a number of times, the sign post gives directions. Follow the directions to the top if you want to see the view. Prostrating at the sign post with all devotion will not take you to the top.

To everyone clinging to the sign post like I was, I will say, if someone pulls the sign post away from your clinging hands and tells you – enough of clinging, now March and make the journey, it is simply the Grace of your Guru – the Guru within.